By Kayla Kuo
Content notes: Alcohol, Drug Use
As a fellow queer transracial and transnational adoptee, I was thrilled to read an ARC of Kristen Kish’s debut memoir, Accidentally On Purpose.
Kish details her momentous journey from growing up as a Korean adoptee in the Midwest working at a pretzel shop in a suburban mall, to finding love in unexpected places, to her current role as Top Chef host.
Despite her undeniable fame and success as a celebrity chef now, Kish vulnerably shares the tumultuous period in her early 20s, struggling to find her purpose. Kish struggled to fit in with her peers in middle and high school, amplified by anxiety. It wasn’t until attending Le Cordon Bleu that Kish gained clarity and direction for her life, driven by an intense desire for recognition and a firm sense of belonging.
Accidentally On Purpose reveals the universality that we all want to be recognized and valued for who we are, right now and without change. There is an abundance of decisions and factors that are outside of our control or can even be expected, although Kish learns how the constant throughout life can be centered on love and care—for oneself and for others. Accidentally On Purpose, too, reflects on the life we are capable of when we have an unwavering support system (and an income to pay the necessary bills).
Growing up, Kish describes her parents as working-class, though she “can’t remember ever wanting for anything.” Her parents’ financial stability afforded Kish the comfort of consistent meals, shelter, and clothing. It may have been this privilege of reliability that shaped Kish’s views around money. For Kish, her employment prospects were less about money being the primary motivator, but rather the prestige of the well-respected restaurants. She shares, “dollar signs were important to me as signifiers of a change in status, a type of recognition rather than a means of purchasing fancy things.” It’s clear that Kish values the respect and admiration that the role gives more than the wage or salary that she makes. Even with her family growing up working class, Kish didn’t struggle to make ends meet (and she definitely doesn’t now).
Without a doubt, women have played an influential role in Kish’s personal life and career trajectory, whether as friends, mentors, role models, or, eventually, romantic partners. While the chapters are mainly structured around Kish’s evolving career, she credits several women who contributed to her growth and had a profound impact on her life. They each believed in Kish, even when Kish doubted herself and what she was capable of. It was this flourishing support system that encouraged Kish to say yes to new possibilities, including her journey towards embracing her queer identity. Gradually, Kish learned to develop realistic and sustainable ideas of success, personal worth, and self-acceptance.
Aside from her queer adoptee identity, I knew little about Kish’s life and career trajectory because I’m not tuned into the culinary world, whether it’s watching cooking-related TV shows or seeking out prestigious fine-dining restaurants. Unfortunately, Accidentally On Purpose was an underwhelming reading experience, and I still found myself wanting to know more about Kish on a deeper level. Kish’s writing is straightforward in the sense that it is overly descriptive, which felt more like a play-by-play of her life rather than a captivating memoir that allowed readers to experience the world building and rollercoaster of emotions with Kish. There was very little suspense given the straightforwardness of the writing. While Kish understands that curveballs are inevitable in our life, her memoir was missing the crucial element of pacing and plot.
On a more personal note, one of the primary reasons why I was interested in reading Accidentally On Purpose was because of Kish’s identity as a Korean adoptee. The opening chapter emphasizes her adoptee identity, setting the tone for how her adoptee identity would be incorporated and reflected on throughout the memoir. However, the mentions related to her adoptee identity –- and more broadly her racial identity — were sparse and surface-level until the epilogue.
While Kish writes about competing on season 10 of Top Chef, she also reflects how this TV show has given her a platform to connect with her adoptee and Asian American identity as well as these communities:
“The most moving and ultimate life-changing sources of support were the messages I began receiving from Asian Americans and adoptees thanking me for representing them on TV…I’d so often craved a sense of acceptance and belonging in my life, and this was the first time I recognized that I could find it in ways that had not occurred to me before. I decided then that this was only the beginning of my engagement with these groups and these parts of myself moving forward.”
It was exciting to read about Kish taking the next step in this journey, but, sadly, there was very little follow-up in the memoir about how she further connected with adoptee and Asian American communities. I also recognize that, even though Kish is an adoptee, she doesn’t solely need to focus on this particular aspect of her identity, nor does she owe readers anything she is uncomfortable sharing publicly. Yet, given the numerous mentions of her adoptee identity in her bio and the book jacket description, I expected more reflections as an adoptee and woman of color navigating the entertainment and culinary world.
Accidentally On Purpose primarily focuses on Kish’s professional career and queer identity, and exhibits the qualities that led to her growing accomplishments: ferocity, loyalty, and constant commitment. However, as someone who was unfamiliar with her or Top Chef, the narration of the book lacked suspense and an immersive storytelling experience. This memoir may be best suited for existing fans of Top Chef and Kristen Kish, but you can judge for yourself.
Thank you to Little, Brown and Company for providing an ARC in exchange for an honest review, and to Soapberry Review for providing a platform to share this book review.
Kayla Kuo is a queer transracial and transnational adoptee born in Taiwan and raised in the Midwest. She is learning how to embrace slowness and be more creative. Lately, she spends her time sewing, reading too many books at once, deepening her community organizing, and snuggling with her miniature pinscher, Kenny.
You can find her book reviews on Instagram (@ThatBookBinch) and more reflections/essays as an adoptee on her blog.